Trusting Life’s Unexpected Turns: How Motherhood Became My Deepest Joy

I used to be so sure of what I wanted. A life of independence, success, and personal freedom. I never saw myself as a mother—if anything, I was actively against the idea. I envisioned myself as a career-driven woman, fully immersed in my work, traveling the world, and building something meaningful outside of family life.

But life has a way of challenging the narratives we hold onto so tightly.

At 30, while living in Bali, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. It was a complete shock, something I had never planned for, and yet, in those early weeks, something inside me shifted. I started listening to parenting podcasts, thinking about baby names, and imagining what life with a child would feel like. And then, just as suddenly as it had entered my life, the pregnancy was gone. Miscarriage.

The loss hit me harder than I ever could have anticipated. It wasn’t just the loss of a pregnancy; it was the loss of a future I had unknowingly started to embrace. The grief made one thing painfully clear—I did want to be a mother. I wanted it deeply, in a way I had never allowed myself to admit before.

Life Knows What It’s Doing

Three years later, when I became pregnant again—this time intentionally—I felt ready. And yet, even with all that readiness, I could have never predicted just how much I would love being a mother. It’s not something that people expected of me. I don’t give off nurturing vibes, I’m not the overly sentimental type, and honestly, I didn’t even know if I had the patience for it.

But here I am—thriving. More than thriving.

Motherhood has brought me a sense of peace and purpose deeper than anything else I’ve ever experienced. It’s not easy—God, it’s not easy. I know the exhaustion, the overstimulation, the endless messes. But when I hear people talk about regretting motherhood, I can’t relate at all. My baby is my greatest gift, the most unexpected but most perfect twist in my story.

What I’ve Learned from This Journey

Life rarely unfolds the way we expect it to, but sometimes the things we resist the most are exactly what we need. If I had stuck stubbornly to my original plan, I never would have experienced this depth of love and fulfillment.

So here’s what I want to share with you:

Let yourself change. It’s okay if what you wanted at 20 isn’t what you want at 30. You’re supposed to evolve.

Embrace the unexpected. The detours might lead you somewhere better than your original destination.

Find joy in the phase you’re in. Whether you’re deep in sleepless nights, career growth, or personal discovery, there’s something valuable in it.

Pause and appreciate what’s right in front of you. Even if your child is throwing their sippy cup on the floor for the tenth time today, that moment—frustrating as it is—is fleeting.

If you’re in the thick of it—wiping up spilled snacks, tripping over scattered toys, or dealing with yet another sleepless night—I hope this serves as a little reminder: Take a deep breath. Hug your baby. Trust that life knows what it’s doing, even when it throws you off course.

Because sometimes, what we never wanted turns out to be exactly what we needed.