Why I (Peacefully) Chose a Planned C-Section in Bali — Even Though I Dreamed of a Natural Birth
When I first found out I was pregnant, I pictured myself giving birth naturally in a serene birthing center in Ubud. That was the dream — a peaceful, candlelit environment, surrounded by women who trust birth and the body’s wisdom. I was excited to prepare myself mentally and physically for that experience.
But like many birth stories, mine took a different turn. And in the end, I chose a planned C-section. It wasn’t what I had envisioned. But it was exactly what I needed — and it turned out to be one of the most peaceful, empowering decisions I’ve ever made.
Here’s why.
🌿 The Original Plan: Natural Birth in Ubud
I started my pregnancy fully committed to a natural, unmedicated birth. I chose a birthing center in Ubud and began preparing with all the calming YouTube videos, breathing exercises, and positive visualizations I could find.
The idea of bringing my baby into the world gently, without medical intervention, was important to me — especially living in Bali, where birth can be deeply spiritual and supported by holistic care. But even as I practiced all the right tools, one thing never really left me: fear.
I’ve been afraid of giving birth for as long as I can remember. That fear was so big, it even shaped my belief for years that I didn’t want children at all. And while I stayed committed to my birth plan, deep down I was struggling.
🌀 Breech Baby, Big Head — and Rising Anxiety
At 37 weeks, things shifted. I found out my baby was in breech position, and the doctor also mentioned that his head was measuring relatively large. Not exactly comforting news for someone with birth anxiety.
I was sent home with instructions to swim, stretch, and do specific exercises to encourage the baby to turn — and I did allof them. Religiously. But he stayed breech. Then, around 40 weeks, he flipped — but not into the ideal position. Now he was sunny-side-up (posterior), a position known to make natural labor more difficult and painful.
My anxiety was through the roof. But I was still clinging to the original plan.
🕒 40.5 Weeks and the Induction Ultimatum
I had now passed 40.5 weeks. My doctor gently told me: “Four days from now is the latest we can wait. After that, we’ll need to induce.”
And that’s when everything hit me.
Induction was my biggest fear. More than surgery, more than pain — I was terrified of a drawn-out, highly medicalized, possibly traumatic experience. Everything felt like it was unraveling, and I felt like I was losing control.
So I went home, sat with my feelings, and got radically honest with myself.
✨ The Moment of Clarity
I realized something very clearly:I wasn’t choosing natural birth for me.I was choosing it for everyone but me.
My mom had five kids at home — no pain relief, no problem. My sister had three children naturally, two of which she birthed at home in the water. And I felt that pressure, silently sitting on my chest throughout my pregnancy.
But my truth? I’m deeply sensitive to pain. I was terrified of tearing. And I was not in a mentally calm space anymore. My baby’s position still wasn’t ideal, and the looming possibility of induction filled me with dread.
And so — I made the decision. I called my doctor and asked to schedule a planned cesarean section.
🕯️ The Most Peaceful Morning
The moment I made that choice, everything shifted. I felt peaceful. I felt in control. I felt safe.
On the morning of the surgery, we got up at 3am and took a taxi to the hospital. The energy was calm. In my room, I hung fairy lights to make the space feel gentle and familiar. I mentally prepared myself for what was about to happen — not from a place of fear, but from deep grounding.
And then, it happened. My son was born.
💛 Birth Can Be Beautiful in Any Form
The entire experience was calm and respectful. I felt heard. I felt supported. And while it wasn’t the “natural” birth I had once dreamed of — it turned out to be the most natural choice for me.
And something I hadn’t expected? My recovery was so much easier than I feared.
I was truly surprised — in the best way — by how quickly and smoothly my body healed. I had prepared myself for the worst, but instead, I felt strong and well-supported. I now have a tiny scar that serves not as a mark of surgery, but as a beautiful, quiet reminder of what happens when I truly listen to myself.
🌸 If You’re Facing a Similar Decision…
Here’s what I want to say to other women who might be feeling conflicted about their birth path:
You don’t owe anyone a specific version of birth. Not your family, not your midwife, not the internet.
Making decisions from fear is not the same as making decisions from honesty. Be radically real with yourself.
Planned C-sections can be soft, empowering, and deeply sacred. Don’t let the word "surgery" erase the beauty of what you’re doing.
It’s okay to change your mind. Especially if it leads you to more peace.
Final Thoughts
Birth is not a competition. It’s a moment of transformation — for you and your baby. If your path doesn’t look like what you once imagined, that doesn’t make it any less valid. In fact, it might just be more aligned with who you are.
For me, choosing a planned C-section in Bali gave me exactly what I needed: peace, clarity, and a gentle beginning to motherhood.
And that tiny scar? It’s a lifelong reminder that listening to my intuition — even when it goes against the grain — will always lead me where I need to go.