No one really tells you how deeply life-changing becoming a mother is—not just in the obvious ways but in the way it completely shifts your sense of self. Before having my baby, I had so many aspects of my identity that felt solid—my work, my creativity, my freedom to just be. Then, suddenly, everything revolved around this tiny human, and for a long time, I felt like I had disappeared.
I knew I loved my child more than anything. But I also had moments where I’d look in the mirror and think, Who am I now?
If you’re in that place—feeling like you’ve lost parts of yourself in the intensity of motherhood—just know that you’re not alone. And more importantly, you won’t feel like this forever. One year postpartum, I’m finally starting to feel like myself again, and I want to share a few things that helped me along the way.
1. Accept That Motherhood Changes You
I spent months trying to “get back” to who I was before. But the truth is, that version of me doesn’t exist anymore—and that’s okay. Instead of chasing an old identity, I had to start embracing the new. Motherhood didn’t erase who I was; it added new layers. Once I stopped resisting the change and started getting curious about who I was becoming, I felt less lost.
2. Find Small Moments That Are Just for You
For so long, everything I did was for my baby. My needs always came last, and I convinced myself I didn’t have time for anything else. But I realized that even in the chaos, I could find small ways to reconnect with myself.
Drinking my coffee outside for five quiet minutes in the morning.
Playing music I love while cooking instead of just running on autopilot.
Journaling for five minutes before bed.
Reading something that has nothing to do with parenting.
These moments didn’t take much time, but they reminded me that I still exist outside of being a mother.
3. Reconnect with What Used to Inspire You
For a long time, I felt disconnected from my own interests. I used to be creative, I used to dream about future projects and ideas, but all of that faded under the weight of daily responsibilities. I’m finally realizing that I can bring those things back—but in new ways that fit this season of my life.
If you loved traveling, maybe you start with small day trips. If you loved writing, maybe you journal or start sharing your thoughts again. If you used to love movement, find a way to bring it back, even if it’s just stretching while your baby plays. Inspiration might not come rushing back all at once, but it will return in small moments if you make space for it.
4. Let Go of the Guilt
At first, I felt guilty for wanting time for myself. I thought that being a "good mother" meant giving 100% of myself, all the time. But the truth is, when I started taking care of myself too, I became a better mother. I had more patience, more energy, and more joy to share.
Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. You are still a person outside of motherhood, and that part of you deserves to be nurtured.
5. Trust That You’ll Find Yourself Again
If you feel lost right now, just know that this phase won’t last forever. It takes time, but little by little, you’ll start to recognize yourself again—maybe not as the person you were before, but as someone even more whole, layered, and deeply connected to life in a new way.
Motherhood is a transformation. You’re not lost—you’re evolving. And in that process, you will find yourself again.